untitled... (with Carrie's voice inside my head)

i just turned 21, and like all those that came before me, i was entitled to have a night of celebration with old friends. apparently, i have been so accepted in my circle, that they are most comfortable with what and how i really am. nothing but the best birthday gift that i guess anyone could ask for... some old high school friends and i were out buying beer, and suddenly, i found myself in a testosterone charged environment, contained in a moving vehicle. there i was, somewhere in the middle of my sexuality and gender, i was lost in translation. it was guy talk. one that i would never have been able to appreciate, had i not been sitting next to my ex boyfriend slash high school bestfriend. i know, that by now, i would have been used to their kind of conversation. but as i sat there, staring out the car window, i asked myself... what am i doing here? i'm not supposed to be hearing this right now, and certainly not from them. when it comes to dealing with this, i wonder... is this how it feels like to be at the other end of the conversation? i never thought i'd live to see that moment. but then again, i was there. all the queerness of me was... and it was an experience i'm not willing to go through anytime soon. it certainly gave a new perspective to the phrase, riding in cars with boys...