My bottom line (with Carrie's voice inside my head)

lucena city... a fast rising metropolis throbbing with malls, restaurants, coffee shops, and bars... with at least half of its populace composed of men... either bisexual, gay, or straight men. with my dry, cold, slow summer proceeding with its second season, things couldn't get any worse for me. with 20 pounds to burn, a budding fashion disaster at hand, and a rent controlled life, i once again was confronted by the idea of hooking up with whoever was to my liking. everyone else seems to be getting hitched these days that i couldn't help but notice, i am not on the love bandwagon... could i be seen as a romantic loser? would i be happy spending the summer alone? should i go out on the prowl and hunt myself an eligible bachelor? could'a, would'a, should'a... when my friend aaron asked me, why i'm not technically seeing anyone, i told him that i had a waiting list. a lie. and the bigger lie was that i told him i had 4 guys on my waiting list. and there it was... i found myself in the middle of denial avenue and loser street. i told my friend that i put my lovelife on hold... that it was time for me to take care of me, and take a time out from the love circulation. the funny yet scary thing is... i convinced myself with that. the truth? i'm romantically challenged. if charlotte used that term for her pregnancy difficulties, i thought i could do the same. disguised as someone who had complete control over the matter, i continued to talk with my friend. and then, it got me thinkin'... was it simply because i couldn't find my eligible bachelor? or did i just get so burned from my angel relationship, that i was more than not willing to open my door to another one? my dilemma continues... looking back at my imaginary waiting list, i conjured up some names that i have considered to be potential prospects for the days to come. although two of them are attached, the other one was clueless, and the other was gay, i still had to wonder whether it was right to put them in my non-existent waiting list or not. and sure enough, i couldn't be more of a pathetic, loveless, hopeless romantic. even D-list celebrities had more progress and spice in their life than this! the question i had to ask was this... in a city so small, with an everyone knows everyone demographic, how hard was it to find at least a few good men? well, most of them are taken, and that's a given... but what about any leftovers that i may even deem worth it? it's final then... the whole world is against me, and it's tellin' me to take a long nap or something until the turn of the century. i wasn't asking for much, just barely enough. bottom line is, i'm lonely. and nobody knows or even notices that. nobody sees that underneath my white skin and slammin' outfits, there's just a birdcage of a heart with nobody's name written on it. my heart on my sleeve, and it's nearly falling. dancing in the wind until a strong gust completely knocks it out. bottom line... i've hit rock bottom.