my life is an ambigram...

what exactly did they mean when they said, "enjoy the diversity of life"? maybe i'm just bitter... maybe i'm just hopeless... or worse, i am both. but i just find a wee bit of an overstatement in that life-diversity crap... because of all people who should have diversity, spice, variation, and color in their lives, i am the one person who doesn't... and given the fact that i virtually have 2 established residences, i think i should have that quite covered, don't you? okay... i don't even know why i'm writing this bullshit down... i mean, i don't think anyone reads my crap anyways... but, what the hell, i'm just gonna yack here, and there ain't nothin' cyberspace can do about it! this is rent-controlled ya know. (as if!) honestly though... it's SSDD all day, any day, any damn day... i don't even know what i'm doin' with my life anymore, man... i just feel so fucked up... nobody knows the entire truth about me. and i mean NOBODY! there's just a shred of fact here and there, but none of them can say they know what's really goin' on... 'coz they don't! like an ambigram. you look at it from one side, you see a particular image... you turn it around, and you see the same image... and when two people look at it from different sides, they both see the same image. the people i know... the people who know me... and the people who think they know me... wherever they are... wherever they look at me... they only see one image of me. the image that they want to see. not the image that i am. all of them seeing half truths. i guess, the only one who practically knows all of me, is ME... and sometimes, even i get confused. at this point, maybe it is sound to say that i do need professional help. maybe rhoger is right... i believe in my own sadness so much, that i won't let him in... or anybody for that matter. that this is the easy way out, and i took it... that i couldn't be strong for both of us... that part, he's right about. things are about to get pretty messy in the coming months... and i either have to brave this storm alone, or just throw in the towel. now, the uneasiness is starting to set in... another sleepless night is about to break. i long for him again... in the confines of these walls... for Darkness to take me... and in his unholy arms will my soul rest. this ambigram is about to spell death... and that will be the only time everyone will see the truth.