When water runs dry (with Carrie's voice inside my head)

have you ever caught yourself still up in the middle of the night, wanting to text someone but there's no one in particular that you could text? welcome to the club... there's a longing inside of me to reach out to someone, however, at these ungodly hours, i fear that even the most enduring of night owls have already gone to sleep. whatever my discontent in my life right now is, i think it wells up from still one source. from that torturous scheming bastard who is now known as "he whose name shall never be mentioned in this house ever again"... a long name for someone you actually despise, i know. but what about the other guys in your phonebook? you might say... they are no more than a waste of bytes on my memory, actually. mere decorative names, whom someday i hope to give a shout out to, and maybe get a decent reply from. melodramatic, i know. but that is what happens, when you, like i, have seem to hit the bottom of the barrel. either that or it's just because you're having trouble sleeping. you're now stuck in your dark room, staring at your blank ceiling, and recalling the times when you actually had a few men at hand to send a message to. you suddenly start to miss those times, and then, it dawns on you... once again, you are lonely. not necessarily alone... but lonely... you seem to be on a losing streak at the moment. and with the exception of john from arizona, you don't have a guy to call your own. there's actually someone else, but you don't wanna be with him anymore. and the rest is just a parade of shoulda woulda coulda's to you. THIS, is your self-esteem. and now it's like, this... why is it that no one ever hangs around with you long enough for you to build even an imaginary romantic relationship? and then, it hit me... just like what you've said before... and you dread that by this time around... you are most probably right... and that if you're right... men don't just leave guys like you... they only leave... you. so you're kinda cute, smart, and fun to be with. but if you're all that... then why are you still single and fabulous question mark? how can you finally drop the question mark and have a nice guy beside you exclamation point? a question that only time will provide an answer. time that seems to pass in dog years backwards. fast and yet so slow. i wonder what's wrong with me. why is it that sleepless nights bring about these thoughts and the wheels in my head start to tick like clockwork? the ultimate sign of boredom? or loneliness, maybe? when did my life stop being fun? you know in yourself that you have to get closure on all of these. but closure is not your luxury. it's much harder to attain than power in this country. and more elusive than a cockroach on steroids. you take a drag. a long one... since everything else seems to be just that. a drag... this is the longest night yet... one that seems to take forever to pass. you can't wait to get it over and done with. one of two things is definitely why... this heat wave is such a drag. as if you feeling emotionally downtrodden isn't enough. and now, you're falling. much like in a dream. you await for a requiem... but there will be none of such. and you have just fallen, smack down on the ground, face flat, and centimeters away from the pavement. what a life it is. when it rains, it pours... but when water runs dry... 'nuff said.