carrie, this one's on me...

it's one of those nights again... when your world seems to be crumbling down on you... when it's dark (literally and figuratively) and you have no one but yourself to give comfort... another night when you think to yourself, "i am so dead..."

it's nights like these when i wish that a car, a truck, or any other vehicle for that matter would just run me over (that which i have no guts to commit on my own)... then i'd have every right and reason to disappear from the world... to retreat to my shell... my comfort zone... so i'd never have to be hurt again... wish i had that fast forward button in life right now... the road before me is full of traps and obstacles... and i know, no matter how bad it seemed, that i'd be able to cross it... i just don't want to experience having to actually undertake it all...

wish i had valiums... i'd take those little joy pills like they were m&m's... then chase it down with whatever alcoholic beverage i can get my paws on... this has to stop... i always get myself in deep shit... but i always manage to dig my way out... but now, i'm tired... i have to... rest.....