the grandpa in me...

the other day… as I was taking a bath, with the tolerable hot water racing from my back to the drain not inches from my feet… the most peculiar of thoughts were conjured in me. maybe it was the weather… maybe it was the water… but nothing had prepared me for what I consciously said as I stood in there shower, bath gel, body scrub, conditioner and all… “I want to be a grandfather…” (remember those unbelievable theme commercials that mc donald’s had? well, I guess this moment would make the cut for that) I couldn’t believe I said it… to myself… and to the loneness of the bathroom area that I am in. to manifest it as a word/s, breathe life into the possibility of it, and recycle energy and matter, and be incarnate. Yes… a grandfather… but right now, I don’t see myself getting married to a woman and having kids with her… can’t even bring myself to fantasize heterosexual encounters… I guess, it’s because grandparents have a certain trait that I would like to think I want to be/have… can’t quite put my finger on it… but for Filipinos, who value family ties more than most races, a grandparent would have a certain authority if not seniority (obviously) over matters… shallow, you think? But that’s not the entire reason why I want to be a grandparent… from my point of view, everybody loves grandparents… (maybe not in the way that they would say that everybody loves chicken) but I picture a playground… with kids… running around and getting themselves all worked up; in the sandbox, jungle gym, swing, teeter totter, monkey bars, slides, the works… and there, I’d walk towards the swing, dodging the little ones as they play tag… and then a tiny, innocent, curious voice would call out, “grandpa! grandpa!” as the young wide-eyed child runs to me with open arms and hugs me with arms and hands, short yet warm… and I’d pick up the rugrat as my aging body and frail back would allow it, and hug the kiddo back… that’s why I want to be a grandfather…