the biaatch within...

i don't know if it's just me, or is everyone really pushy today? hello! they all know how touchy i can be and there they go flaunting their most annoying and unbecoming antics all around me. rule number one, keep your distance at all times. unless i am the one who approaches you, or unless you're a guy that i wanna be close to, observe at least a 10 inch invisible perimeter fence from my face and body. yes, we're friends, but stay away from my body parts unless you have permission, okay? rule number two, if you want to sniff my perfume at the back of my neck, ask before you do. rule number three, if you are related to me, do not, at all times display any forms of stupidity or resort to any embarrassing acts in a public venue, e.g. malls, restaurants, cinemas, etc. (rule number three is subject to my discretion.) rule number four, maintain your status quo whenever and wherever you are with me, whoever you are, unless you are a guy that i am so into. however, embarrasing acts are subject to penalty. (rule number four is subject to consideration in my behalf, regarding the time and place of action.) rule number five, never, and i do mean, NEVER ever use words of low class standards or profanity against me, neither words that i may deem offensive or degrading in nature. (if you know me well enough, you'd understand this. if in the event that you don't, first time offenders are subject and entitled to penance.) rule number six, never call my landline number past the hour of 11 in the evening, unless otherwise the nature of the call is for business, emergency, or academic puposes. calls made past the hour of 11 in the evening are either invitational or just plain unexpected. unwanted calls beyond this hour will be met with much distaste. rule number seven, do not, at all times, shove your hand bearing the scent of male genitalia in my T-zone without any permission whatsoever, especially not in front of other people who know about it. rule number eight, never strike unwanted and unnecessary conversation with me, especially when i just got in, or when you know that we're not really tight. rule number nine, refrain from sending short messages that oblige me to reply, having to answer queries regarding what i am doing and where i am at the moment. (please, we're not a couple, and my parents could care less than you. so, put a lid on it!) rule number ten, never ask me where i buy my stuff and then ask me to buy you a similar item. (puhleeaze! i am not your personal shopper! rule number ten is subject to consideration.) rule number eleven, respect my bedroom and my bed. knock before coming in. do not, at all times, assume that it is okay for you sit, let alone lie in my bed, especially when you just came from the filthy outside world. (hello! it's called MY bed for a reason!) trips to my bedroom are per invitation only. ('nuff said. rule number eleven is subject to consideration.) rule number twelve, respect my things. whether inside or outside my room. do not, at all times, go through my cellular phone or tote without prior notice. (rule number twelve subject to consideration, regarding the person in question and time and place of actions made.) rule number thirteen, never EVER pretend to steal or canoodle with any of my male prospects, because i could care less about them or you. doing so would just annoy me or induce an allergic reaction to the person in question. (if you know me well enough, you'd know this by now. rule number thirteen is subject to consideration.) rule number fourteen, never stare at me while i'm eating. besides the fact that it is downright rude, it is annoying, and i get annoyed or irritated easily, especially by someone that i don't really like. rule number fifteen, refrain from asking for a stick of cigarette. (rule number fifteen is subject to consideration.) rule number 16, refrain from borrowing any of my cosmetic equipment. rule number seventeen, never stand in front of my eyeline or air. rule number eighteen, these rules are here for a reason, follow them. ignorance of rules does not excuse anyone. it is recommended then that anyone who will be with me for any duration of time in any venue be at their best personal behavior to avoid any conflict with the rules. rule number nineteen, stay away from my bikini area... whoever you are! rule number twenty, it only takes one undesirable act for you to acquire a long lasting demerit. demerits are considered punishable acts and will be held against the offender for an invariable period of time. rule number twenty one, i could care less if you don't like my rules or even if you find them absurd and eccentric, but these are just basically rules regarding your character bearing when you are with me. further examination of these rules will reveal that it is not only for my own good but for the betterment of the party as well. these are my rules of engagement... if you find them offensive, repulsive, or unacceptable in any way, then i can do nothing about it. this... is unlocking the bitch within...